One Last Breath Together
by Duo-chan
Summary: Heero is saying goodbye to Duo because he's leaving. Not as sad as it sounds. 1x2 slash, Oneshot


By: Duo-chan 

06.30.03

Warnings: Yaoi

Notes: I think that I have done the best possible job in the world of putting each character as they truly would be in this situation, no stereotypes, no nothing. I'm sorry if I really sound gloaty...but I was just talking about it with a friend the other day...

Dedicated: Kristin...for the song, the place, the season, the time of day, and the times till. Arigatou K-chan!! 

One Last Breath Together

Duo sighed wearily and looked up at the setting sun. Beautiful. It was the only word that came to his mind that could try, utterly pathetically, to capture the picturesque scene before him. The sky was painted orange and pink, drenched as though God himself had produced watercolors and made brush-strokes in the sky. If God existed that was. Another sighed escaped the man lips as he pulled his woolen blanket more tightly around his shoulders, and shivered as he watched the last of the sun sink beyond the tree-line horizon. 

His breath was cold clouds before him and the frigid winter air easily bit through his blanket, but he didn't feel like getting up and going into the house. If he did that then he would have to face Heero and he didn't know if he could do that just yet. He didn't know if he could face the man who had just told him that he was leaving. A choked breath left him. Leaving for a job. A damn job that he believed was too dangerous for Duo to be with him. 

'The bias hypocrite.' 

The insult didn't make him feel any better. His heart still ached, as though a hole had been drilled into the center of it, his whole chest felt as though it were squeezing in on itself and all he could do was bury his face in his arms and whimper. Ten years since the end of the war, and Heero had promised that he would stop doing dangerous things. Heero had promised and Duo had believed him to the extent where he had allowed himself to forget his training, allowed himself to become a normal person and now Heero was telling him that he was leaving to complete a job that was too dangerous for Duo to go on with him. 

Danger. There had been a time when Duo had laughed mirthlessly in the face of danger. Literally, he had laughed into Heero's face. Now the thought made him shiver and curl in on himself even more. He didn't want Heero to go. Truthfully, he didn't know the details behind the blue-eyed man's leaving. Heero wouldn't let him know anything. 

Duo stifled a sob. Damn it if Heero did this to him. Damn it if Heero went and left him behind. Damn it if Heero went and got himself killed. And suddenly bitter cold washed over the braided man, as though he had just been stripped of his blanket and clothing and lay in the snow beneath him completely naked. What if Heero did die? What if he went out to do this one thing without telling Duo where he was going and he got killed? And it would all be because Duo wasn't there with him. They had fought along side each other in their Gundams, so why couldn't Heero let him fight now? Why did Heero have to protect him and shield him from everything harsh in life? 

'Because all my life nobody has been there to protect and shield me and all I got was what was harsh and he doesn't like that. He doesn't like the fact that my past is so empty.' 

Again the mental statement made no difference, it didn't help edge off the cold, or the horrible images flashing through Duo's mind. The fact that he knew Heero loved him too much to let him come would not make a difference in how Duo would feel if the other man died. Another soft sob. God painted the sky with a brush and created some of the most beautiful things in the world that were held in nature. But they all came and went and died as quickly as they were brought to life. God was an angel, but Duo would be damned if he wasn't the devil as well. 

The door beneath Duo creaked open, was followed by shuffling and shifting before it clicked shut. He wondered dully how long it had been since he had come out onto the roof of the cabin but decided that it didn't matter, it hadn't been long enough for him to sort out his mind. There was more shuffling and then a soft thud of Heero landing on the roof followed by the careful sound of his footsteps as he approached, slowly, not wanting to either disturb or upset Duo. 

'He's treating me as though I'll bolt any moment.' 

The thought was fogged by exhaustion and Duo mentally debated the chance that he actually would, that he would stand up and throw the blanket at Heero to confuse him, jump off the roof, and then run across the snowy field and into the forest. He must have tense, or let on somehow, because as he thought about it, behind him Heero came to a halt, silently watching and waiting. Duo breathed harshly into his arms, closing his eyes despite the fact that he was already looking into his pitch-black lap, with his knees curled up to his forehead and his arms wrapped around his shins. He was cold, and part of him wanted desperately for Heero to sit beside him and hug him, and yet...another part wanted to scream and shout and punch the man in the face for all that he was worth. Dully Duo wondered which side would triumph. 

In the end Heero walked over, laid a second blanket over Duo's shoulders, sat down, and pulled the smaller man into a warm embrace, burying his face into Duo's long chestnut hair and breathing in deeply. And suddenly it hit Duo that Heero didn't want to go as much as he didn't want him to go, that for some reason that he was blind to, Heero was being forced into leaving, and he hated himself for it. The cold edged from Duo's skin and he sunk into Heero, turning to face his lover so that he could slide his arms around Heero's lithe body and bury his head into the crook of the man's neck, sighing heavily as Heero shifted him over so that he was cradled in his lover's lap. 

"I love you Duo. I never want you to forget that." Heero's voice was deep, yet soft, muffled by Duo's hair. His arms tightened around the braided man. "Understand?" 

Duo nodded wordlessly against Heero's body, he felt like he was on the edge of tears, that if he opened his mouth to say anything that he would instantly start crying and would never be able to stop. He clutched to Heero's thick sweater as though it were the only thing keeping him with the other man. He wondered if maybe he never let go if Heero wouldn't leave, and he decided that he wouldn't try, it would be too heartbreaking to see Heero leaving anyway. They sat in silence as the last of the orange glow from the sky faded into night and God's watercolors died a slowly agonizing death. 

Once darkness had completely fallen Heero shifted, his arms moving over Duo to support that other man as he stood up and carried him to the edge of the roof and carefully slid down, silently entering the house and settling them on the couch. Duo still hung on wordlessly, throat too choked to speak, eyes brimming with tears that had their chance and failed and now simply swam listlessly. Who could have the power to make Heero leave him? He inhaled shakily. 

"Why is J doing this to you?" Duo asked heavily, the only question being in the one he asked, he did not need conformation on whether his hunch was correct, that was given the moment that Heero stiffened, the moment that his lover inhaled sharply and his arm tightened even more. "Why can't he leave you alone?" 

A silent moment passed, it's existence pure anguish as the two lover's heartbeats echoed together. "I...I don't know..." Heero whispered under his breath, body relaxing, his grip loosening slightly. "But...he promised...he promised that this was the last time." 

For some reason that sentence alone broke Duo's self control and his shoulders started shaking as tears rolled down his cheeks and tracked along Heero's bare neck. How long had Heero been doing J's work since after the war? How long had Duo not know? How stupid and naive must Duo have been to not notice? "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." was all that he could mutter into Heero's neck as he sobbed silently, never wanting to leave his lovers warmth, never wanting his lover's arms to slip from where they were around his body. 

"Sh...it's okay. It's okay. I promise, everything's going to be fine." Heero continued to murmur comforting words while rocking back and forth gently on the couch, his hand rubbing calming circles on Duo's back. "Don't worry. I'll be back. I promise. I'll be back." 

And that's how they fell asleep, entangled in each other's arms on the couch, red coals burning in the fire place, blankets swirled around them for warmth. And that's how Duo woke, eyes blinking open slowly, finger gripping Heero's thick green sweater that was curled against his chest, empty. 

"My Last Breath" 

Evanescence

hold on to me love

you know i can't stay long

all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid

can you hear me? 

can you feel me in your arms? 

holding my last breath

safe inside myself

are all my thoughts of you

sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

i'll miss the winter

a world of fragile things

look for me in the white forest

hiding in a hollow tree (come find me) 

i know you hear me

i can taste it in your tears

holding my last breath

safe inside myself

are all my thoughts of you

sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear

you pray your dreams will leave you here

but still you wake and know the truth

no one's there

say goodnight

don't be afraid

calling me calling me as you fade to black

Owari


End file.
